Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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