Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
