Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
