My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
