you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
