I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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