Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
