Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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