"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
