Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
