you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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