Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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