Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
