Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
