Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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