So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
