i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
