Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
