There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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