I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
