k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
not ubering you a puppy
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I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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