Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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