I want you more than these girls want KFC
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
