He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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