i think i have herpe
just one?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
