I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize