i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
