Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
