I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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