someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
