I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
