i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We're too hungover to prance.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
