The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
