I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
