my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she looked like the before picture.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
