Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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