jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
