New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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