I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
