I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
