Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You dont lie about slip and slides
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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