This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
