Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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