i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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