i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
