I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize