New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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