No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
being pregnant is like rehab
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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