hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
