From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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