its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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