moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize