There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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