I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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