i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
