cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
