i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
