why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
