i may or may not be watching the land before time
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
