That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
