Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
