Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
