She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I touched a dick in church today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
