so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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