Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
