Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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