sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
