I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
