i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
