Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
