3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
