Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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