i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
