you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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