The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize