I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
