I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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