just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
