we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
