College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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